My old companion.

We met about ten years ago. I was still a kid and so in love. In love with life, nature, art and love itself. I was so naive, I didn’t see you coming.

And here you are in all your glory. Or darkness should I say? You, made me believe I was not good enough. You told me I don’t belong. You punched me in the guts and made me cry. You whispered in my ears the tales of heartbreaks and failures. Tales of betrayal and loneliness.

Depression, it took me years to notice your presence. To point a finger at you and say you are not me. I am not you. You see, how cunningly you made your way into my mind, heart and my very soul? I failed to identify your intentions and accepted you with a warm hug. I stayed awake listening to all the thoughts and reasons you fed my brain.

You consumed all my energy and time making me weak, fragile. You thought you found a new home to create chaos. But you met me when I was a girl-sweet and nice. You were surrounded by your own ego that you failed to watch me grow. Yes, I’ve had my days. I stumbled and I fell, I’ve lost and I bled. But I never stopped fighting. One day I looked you in the eyes and told you who owns the house. I kicked you hard and told you I love myself.

I hear you knock at my door sometimes. I feel the desperation in your voice. The girl in me steps forward to open the door and give you a warm hug again. You see? Even with the damage you’ve caused, you were a companion to her. She shared all the insecurities and tears with you. She laid awake till 3 am listening to your crap. So today, I guard her. I hold her tight when you show up on our door. It breaks my heart to see my little self being so naive and pure.

Depression, my old companion I know you’ll try. You’ll try to get in and infiltrate my mind. Because I was so good to you. I know you liked it here. But the doors to my house are closed forever. I have put up a sign board that says ‘Positive vibes only!’. And we both know you are not it.

Going down the memory lane. ♥

And another year ends in about 10 days. It’s also an end to this decade. Wow!! Time really does fly. I can’t believe 10 years ago I was in school. I mean, that’s crazy, right?!

Fun fact: since I’m a 90’s baby- even though I’m in my 20s, I’ve lived 3 decades. The first one’s a blur honestly. I only remember my sister bossing around and fooling me to get her work done.

They say you might not remember the exact moment but you remember how a particular person or phase made you feel.

So considering I hardly spent three years in the 90’s, I remember our playtime, and my mother telling us stories about wolves and bunnies; the witches and the lion.

Okay, honestly maybe this happened in the early years of 2nd decade. Who knows? But let’s assume it was in the first. 😬

Alright another fun fact, can you believe I spent my entire 2nd decade going to school 🙆 And since most of you are probably my age, I believe you did the same too!!

Again, the first four years of this decade were AWESOME!! I loved everything about school!!

Even today if I close my eyes, I can almost see the flash backs running through my mind. Nothing specific as such: us in our red uniforms, chit chatting and laughing without a care in the world. I even remember my teachers.

It’s as if I can almost breathe that air – I don’t know how to explain it but it’s as if a part of me is still wandering there. Or maybe I still carry a part of it with me.♥

Oh, the second half of that decade was also beautiful. Kind of. I guess. Whatever. You know what I mean right? It was the beginning of my teenage.

I was uncomfortable in my own skin, was curious to “explore the new world”, wanted to bring a change and bla bla bla. So basically I was a normal teenager, which of course meant I considered myself unique.

Oh, along with all these things the second half of the second decade gifted me with one more thing. A person actually- My best friend!! And I am so glad and thankful for that. Technically, she isn’t my first best friend. But ten years and many many many more to go… so this one’s special ♥

Okay moving on, finally the third decade! Hmm, what a roller coaster of a ride this decade has been. So many lessons learnt, so many concepts (un) lerant. I’m not sure if I’ll cherish many moments of this decade but one thing is for sure- dear (?) third decade, I bow down to you.

The way you introduced me to life and wrote the most wicked pages of this book, I owe you big time. I mean from the beginning, be it secondary school or college or job!! Wow I really grew up in this third decade. And while it seemed impossible to even survive at some point, I did it!!

So yeah, I know this one’s a pretty big one, but believe me I tried to keep it as short as possible. This blog is not to preach about something or inform you folks about the way of living. It’s just another sweet reminder to whoever is reading. You guys made it. We all did!! And cheers to that.🥂

P.S. It’s also a beginning of my fourth decade (probably yours too, unless you are a product of 80’s). And I’m pretty sure it’s going to be another crazy ride! Who knows, by the end of it, most of us will be married, having families of our own (Whew!!)

I hope we’ll achieve all that we ever wanted along the way. So, fasten your seat belts ladies and gentlemen, and take a deep breath for this one. Happy journey baby! 😉

Nobody knows! 🤷‍♀

“I don’t know what to do!!”

“As in? ” asked my friend.

“In general, about my life. I have no clue what to do.” I said.

“Don’t worry.” He laughed. “Nobody knows!” 🙂

And that’s so true. Nobody has a freaking idea of what they are doing or what they are supposed to do. Isn’t it?

I mean, how many times do we have a mental break down or a (not-so) mid- life crisis about what the heck is going around us and in our lives! We think we have a direction or a goal. We try going for it and then realize that maybe, just maybe.. we are totally wrong in our analysis.

We start panicking and self doubting our decisions and the paths that we took. We start comparing ourselves with those around us. Self doubt either leads to regret or self-pity.

But hey! Does it help us in figuring out what do we actually need to do in order to sort this mess called life? The answer is a big NO. Then why go in a loop of pure torture and self loathing?

Here’s a small fact that might help you relax a little- nobody has a damn clue about what on earth are they doing with their personal,professional, mental or spiritual lives.

Then how do we figure it all out? The point is you don’t have to. Just do what you got to do for the day. Do it every freaking day. And it’ll all make sense eventually. Everything will fall in place.

It’s like solving the jigsaw puzzle. Let’s not always focus on the bigger picture. Let us pay attention to the small pieces and on how they fit with each other.

So the next time you find yourself being totally clueless about your life, just remember nobody around you has a clue either. My friend was right about it after all. Nobody knows! 🤷‍♀

Pity the living…✨

Yes, I’m a Potterhead and this is one of the few quotes that stayed with me ‘after all these years’. (if you get the reference😉)

“Do not pity the dead Harry.” said Dumbledore, “Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love.”

And isn’t it a brilliant advise? Naturally, we tend to pity the ones who aren’t with us anymore. The ones who died young or the ones who were not supposed to die but unfortunately did.

Well, death is normal. It is the eternal truth. Everyone will die. Period. I’m sorry for being blunt but I’m trying to make a point here. Yes, everyone will die. But what matters is- how we live and help others live, before taking that last breath.

So yes, pity the ones who are living. Ones who suffer. The ones who fight every single day to just survive. And most importantly, as Dumbledore said- the ones who are unloved. The ones who are ignored or belittled by others.

And if possible, try to make their life a little better. You don’t have to climb mountains or cross a river to make them happy. A simple act of kindness, a sweet text, a genuine compliment or a hello would suffice.

We so often take those who are breathing and very much alive for granted. Show them that they can be loved. That they are not unworthy or unwanted. That they are not different from you or me.

And remember, Sirius Black once said- “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” 😊

Suggestions please!!

Hey everyone!!

As you know, I am pretty inactive on my website these days (months actually😛)… And one of the main reasons is that I basically ran out of ideas.

It’s difficult to balance work and personal life and there’s hardly any free time to focus on this.

Actually there is, but I end up spending (wasting) my precious time(😂) sleeping, sketching and binge watching Netflix.

So please do me a favour and suggest some ideas. Believe me, that’s one of the most difficult task for a writer- to decide what to write about.

And it can just be a single word, phrase or anything that matters to you. Or anything that doesn’t matter at all- just random words (which is what this page is all about😅)

This would be fun cuz I can test my writing skills. Maybe till now I wrote only about things within my comfort zone- things that I had opinions on. So your views and thoughts are very much appreciated..❤

I’ll be waiting for your comments. Please spare two minutes of your time and type it in…xoxo

You Suck! (And that’s okay)

Okay, it’s been ages since I last published anything. So here I am, on a Saturday morning at 6 am struggling to write something that would matter to someone- any one of you.

So here’s the thing about me. I give up too easily. I quit swimming classes in less than four days, gave up on the story half way that I was planning to publish, stopped posting blogs just when everyone started appreciating it and I’m pretty inactive on my Instagram page where I had decided to post quotes.

Yes, there it is! I am making a list of things I failed at, on a social platform.

But that’s fine. I’ve spent way too many years playing the nice girl. I always wanted to cover my flaws and showcase my good qualities to the world. I wanted to be this sweet friend who would always support you or encourage you, who would never say ‘NO’ if you need any help and who would be available for you 24/7.

Then one fine day I realized that I can’t be myself by showing only one side of my character. It’s both- the good and the bad that makes me who I am and if people are willing to stay in my life they ought to know the whole me.

So let’s see what I suck at.😬 Umm..okay I am pretty low at self esteem. Also I give up too easily. Did I say that before? I guess.

Now, you might think what’s wrong with this person? She shifted 360 degrees from writing blogs about “Love Yourself” and “Let us all be” to writing about her not so positive attitude.

Or some of you would stop reading and say “Why should I read this bullshit, I am not interested to know” And that’s okay!

The reason to write this is because I realized that I wrote mostly about the positive stuff till now, even when I didn’t feel that positive while writing it.

But guess what? Everyone is dealing with some shit in their lives.

So we feel the need to be positive all the time. To see the best in us. To love ourselves no matter what!

But it is extremely important to know what you lack or where you go wrong.It does not mean, you love yourself a little less by criticizing yourself. It just means you are ready to accept your true self and deal with your inner demons.

So instead of saying “I am beautiful” (yes you are) or “I deserve the world” (yes you do) a hundred times to yourself, you can really think and see what can you be better at.

As nobody is perfect here, we all have scope of improvement. Also, there’s no harm in admitting you suck at something. Because guess what, so do I and so does every other being alive (or dead).😊

Social media life (?) 📱📸

So let’s take a moment to retrospect on past few years of our lives. Remember that trip with your family a decade ago? Or the night you went camping with your friends? Try to remember any outing that you went to.

Now think about what you did on that day? I’m sure it was fun! Laughing at each other, having food together, playing on the beach, lying down under the sky!

How blissful these memories are! Now, think about any outing you’ve had in past two years. What did you do?

Let me tell you. You clicked millions of selfies with your tongue out, funny winks and terrible pouts. Oh you also captured videos of nature to post on Facebook and Instagram. Then there are a few boomerangs and tik toks!

You posted those pictures for the rest of the world to see. And to see what exactly, may I ask? For them to see how perfect your tiny little world is!

To showcase yourself as the happiest person alive. To show how adventurous you are and how brilliant/witty your sense of humor is by copying some random quote from the internet.

And then there is a battle of likes, comments, reactions and shares. You slowly got addicted to it and the monster of virtual world consumed you.

So now you go to any restaurant, first thing you do is click pictures of food from ten different angles, add filter to it and post it on one of the social media sites with hashtag ‘foodporn’

You wear pretty clothes and apply makeup to click hundreds of selfies. And still you think the picture is not ‘good enough’ for your so called ‘friends’ or ‘followers’ to see.

So you apply filters, crop the unnecessary portions, adjust the brightness and contrast and after 1 hour of struggle, you finally upload it with an intelligent quote and at least ten hashtags. Then your whole day goes in checking who liked your picture and how many comments you got.

And you- who don’t upload anything at all, don’t let yourself think that you are wise. For you know you spend hours on FB and Instagram checking their posts, reading every comment.

You are well versed on who is dating whom and who dumped whom. You know what your classmate ate for breakfast and which movie she watched last night.

So what’s the point of me writing about it? Well, to be honest I am no different from you. We all are in the same boat. Yes I know this virtual world is not at all real. And I’ve come to a hard realization about it.

Think about it- ten years down the lane what memories will I have about my youth? What stories will I have to tell? That I was too good to make tik tok videos? Or I know how to pout perfectly and plaster a fake smile on my face?

Search for the pictures you went roaming- what did you find? Your weird faces with minimal of scenery? Sure, it looks like you had a lot of fun! But did you?

The concept of taking pictures was to capture a moment and save it as memory. Yes, take pictures. But the question is how many exactly- in a day or when you are out? Definitely much lesser than the garbage that is stored in your gallery (no offense!)

I realized how much precious time I’ve lost in so called ‘making memories’ that I’ve actually not made any, that’s worth remembering. That’s why this blog.

To make you understand that life is everything except those selfies, pictures, posts and likes. That you may think your friend is having the most amazing life and you feel the need to show that you are no less than them.

But the truth is your life is much more better when you are with real people- away from your phone. It’s better when you have a real talk with someone rather than texting them.

Your words makes a difference when you say it (and not text).And I don’t need to tell you that home made dosa is much more better (and healthy) than the pizza that you posted the other day!😀

Love!❤

Love teaches you a lot. It introduces you to a new world of rainbows and sunshine. It makes you aware of your heart beat and it’s variations when a certain someone is around you.

It teaches you to be happy. To smile like a fool when you have no reason to (or so they think!) To see the beauty in even the smallest things which in normal circumstances you would not even notice.

It teaches you to admire people. Not just a particular someone, but people in general. Your friends, family, the stranger walking across the road, kids playing around and even the ‘not so likable’ neighbor.

It teaches you to appreciate life in general. To be thankful for being alive and healthy- and in love. And to live every single moment even if it’s attending a boring class or waking up early on a Monday morning!

It gives you a new perspective- a vision. As if you are wearing a coloured goggle- you can see colours spreading in the monochrome life of yours. It’s like you get the power to see the light in darkness.

Love teaches you art. It teaches you to understand music and enjoy it- not just listen for the sake of listening. It teaches you to dance like nobody’s watching. It teaches you to appreciate poetry and to write one!

And when you think you are on the top of the world and you have achieved everything that you ever wanted, it teaches you pain. It teaches you what heartbreak is.

It teaches you loss. And tells you that nothing in this world is permanent. It screams in your ears- ‘Everyone is meant to leave.’ That nobody is going to be enough for you or vice versa.

Irony is, it shows you all the reasons to be in love and then it gives you all the more reasons to fall out of it.❤

Pulwama Attack- Is war the answer?

14th Feb- A day to celebrate love, friendship and happiness. The whole world was busy celebrating Valentine’s Day with their loved ones while I sat on my bed struggling to figure out what my next blog should be about.

I was browsing through Instagram checking various posts when I came across this one- ‘Pulwama Attack- A black day for India’. Within seconds my Instagram feed was flooded with pictures of attack.

Like most of you, my first thought was- ‘That’s enough. Now India needs to strike back’ How long can we let these bastards attack us and how many more lives need to be lost before we take a solid action?

But as I thought more and more about this, I am struggling to answer one question. Is it worth it- a war? Not to offend anybody’s patriotic feelings, I know it’s coming from a good place but have we thought about the price that needs to be paid to take this ‘publicly demanded’ revenge?

Think about the amount of blood that would be lost and the number of brave men that need to risk their lives in order to strike back.

You can’t imagine the fear in the eyes of their families and cries of their children and beloved ones would be so heartbreaking.

I see people commenting on various posts displaying their aggressive passion for this country. But I ask you, is that enough- showing some anger and posting a picture dedicated to our martyred soldiers?

Few days passed and each of us have come to square zero- busy living our own lives, not giving a damn about this country and it’s people.

It’s sad that their sacrifice won’t be remembered by us long enough. I am ashamed that in reality we are not even worthy of their sacrifice.

Am I a worthy citizen? -ask yourself this question. Am I following basic traffic rules? Am I watching out my actions towards other citizens. Do I sincerely pay my tax? Do I behave with women?

And don’t even get me started about bribes or corrupted system that we live in. Now tell me, is this war worth it?

Why should some brave individuals give up on their lives, dreams, hopes and loved ones for people like you and me?

So do I ask for peace? No, I don’t ask for anything. I choose to be neutral. It’s their decision on how to answer this cowardly act of terrorism. They definitely don’t need our opinions.

Am I showing indifference to this disastrous act of violence? NO. I am extremely angry and hurt. But above all, I feel forever grateful and indebted to all the martyred soldiers.

I have too much of respect and pride for these brave souls and I feel the need to be worthy of their sacrifice. I know there are thousands of beautiful posts on their bravery.

But I felt the need of adding one more to those, in hopes to inspire at least one of you to be a better citizen of this country. To be worthy of being saved. Admit it, we don’t have the guts to take up this fight ourselves.

We don’t carry a fearless heart like them, that can deal with bullets or blood. Lets pledge to carry a heart that cares for this country and it’s people. At least let’s be the ones who are worth fighting for..❤🇮🇳

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