My old companion.

We met about ten years ago. I was still a kid and so in love. In love with life, nature, art and love itself. I was so naive, I didn’t see you coming.

And here you are in all your glory. Or darkness should I say? You, made me believe I was not good enough. You told me I don’t belong. You punched me in the guts and made me cry. You whispered in my ears the tales of heartbreaks and failures. Tales of betrayal and loneliness.

Depression, it took me years to notice your presence. To point a finger at you and say you are not me. I am not you. You see, how cunningly you made your way into my mind, heart and my very soul? I failed to identify your intentions and accepted you with a warm hug. I stayed awake listening to all the thoughts and reasons you fed my brain.

You consumed all my energy and time making me weak, fragile. You thought you found a new home to create chaos. But you met me when I was a girl-sweet and nice. You were surrounded by your own ego that you failed to watch me grow. Yes, I’ve had my days. I stumbled and I fell, I’ve lost and I bled. But I never stopped fighting. One day I looked you in the eyes and told you who owns the house. I kicked you hard and told you I love myself.

I hear you knock at my door sometimes. I feel the desperation in your voice. The girl in me steps forward to open the door and give you a warm hug again. You see? Even with the damage you’ve caused, you were a companion to her. She shared all the insecurities and tears with you. She laid awake till 3 am listening to your crap. So today, I guard her. I hold her tight when you show up on our door. It breaks my heart to see my little self being so naive and pure.

Depression, my old companion I know you’ll try. You’ll try to get in and infiltrate my mind. Because I was so good to you. I know you liked it here. But the doors to my house are closed forever. I have put up a sign board that says ‘Positive vibes only!’. And we both know you are not it.